This really has been the strangest season in recent memory. How many of us thought it'd end up this way? Would love to see all the posts at the back end of last season when we were all excited about moving into our new stadium in September, making new signings with the reported £150,000,000 'warchest' and here we are in January:
- 0 new signings from summer to winter.
- Starting the season with half of our squad depleted due to the World Cup
- Injuries throughout the season to every single player besides four of them (Davies, KWP, Gazzaniga, Alderweireld)
- Still not in our new stadium
- Hugo Lloris done for drink-driving.
- Somehow qualifying from our Champions League group after failing to win our opening 3 games.
- Sissoko's resurgence.
- Son winning freedom
- Eriksen still not signing a new deal
- Pochettino linked to Man Utd almost every day
- Losing Dembele
- Aurier arrested for domestic abuse
- Still in all the cup competitions
STILL GOT 4 MONTHS LEFT!!
And we're still fucking 3rd.
It’s a crying shame we are not the subject of a season long documentary series for Netflix.
Although imagine pitching this as fictional back in May .....
The scene is a media office in central London.
Right here’s a few ideas so um the goalie and captain of both Spurs and France is caught drink driving a few months after France win the World Cup and he goes out in London with some other French footballers gets pissed and then drives through the middle of central London, and you know what he misses the man united game . - “well I don’t think anyone believes France are going to win the World Cup but ok”
And Tripper is also linked to Real Madrid for £50million after the World Cup.
- “Sorry are you on drugs????”
No. He’s the star of the England World Cup team. Great storyline.
Anyway back to Spurs.
So the stadium is delayed for months and months after everyone buys season tickets and there is a big marketing campaign about the CL but they don’t get to play 1 game there in the CL.
Um er actually you know what, they just never play in the stadium for the whole season full stop.
But they do manage to blag the fan base with crap updates on social media -
-“well ok but that seems a bit far fetched - the stadium is ready - everyone says so. FFS people in Thailand know it’s all ready. 100% ready, guaranteed”
Well you’re with me still? good - so despite never being anywhere near the top of the league they lose a game in December while 3rd and the media says they have bottled the league
- “in December??? that makes literally no sense but I suppose we could put that in there”
and then er the er quite unpopular French right back is arrested for a domestic but he’s released without charge but um ...... he misses the man United game??....... ,
“- ok - two arrests in one season and both French players and both miss man united games? Seriously?? This is your pitch???”
Well they could also release all their best young strikers in the summer, and in January Llorente is transfer listed, Janssen puts on 2 stone and Son leaves for some Asian tournament but then Kane breaks his ankle so they have no strikers left
- “right please fuck off this is just getting stupid now”
Oh I forgot to say. This is the the bit that seals the deal. What a twist.... !!!
They sign nobody in the summer. Just say in the whole world not one footballer can improve this squad. It’s actually impossible to make this team any better.
It’s definitely nothing to do with the stadium being totally fucked, which is a huge surprise to everyone.
Totally unexpected.
Not linked at all.
And also Sissoko becomes the best midfielder at the club.........literally just runs past people - like when you press that button playing FIFA. Unstoppable.
“ right you fucking complete utter madman - get out and never show your face here again......... actually are you from Woolwich fan TV or something. Is this some sort of prank show? Have I just been punkd??? ”