Harry Kane

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By putting his name to this kind of stuff surely makes a decision to leave for Madrid more difficult? That’s my take on it.

"My dream wasn’t to play in the Premier League. My dream was to play in the Premier League for Spurs."

:kaneear:

...Fucking love you, H!!!
 
How the fuck am I the cynic? These cunts are taking you all for fools. There was a meeting some weeks or months ago where a bunch of spivs got together and decided that you were thick enough to digest any old Harry Kane pish they could peddle.

Fuck me, I've even read some cunt go on about the beauty of the Poch Malbec image. Fuck my arse man!

'hey, Josh, I'm writing this item about an English soccer player and part of the client's remit is that I replace his father with his soccer coach but I'm not sure how to do it. I mean, he's from Argentina and the client didn't even specify how good his English was. Any ideas?'

'Argentina? I had a really nice wine from Argentina in that steak house over on 23rd last week.'

'Josh, you're amazing!'

'What? Whadda say?'
I’ve heard Harry say all of this stuff in interviews before. Of course it’s ghost written and flowery, but it’s not fiction. He genuinely has a chip on his shoulder about Woolwich and he genuinely loves Tom Brady, that’s all true.
 
I’ve heard Harry say all of this stuff in interviews before. Of course it’s ghost written and flowery, but it’s not fiction. He genuinely has a chip on his shoulder about Woolwich and he genuinely loves Tom Brady, that’s all true.
I don't doubt that he likes scoring against Woolwich.

I don't give a fuck about the NFL stuff. It is convenient. Our star player and England's player of a generation loves the NFL. Cynical cunts would think there is some deal on the table... hold on, he called his dugs OJ and Simpson. He's a huge fan.
 
Why? This is not even the work of a journalist hack, this is some 'digital content writer' tasked with the following: 'we need a piece that links Spurs with the NFL involving Harry Kane and using a journey arc - take care to reconcile his Woolwich beginnings by framing that information in a paternal story of resilience. Here's his agent's phone number.'

American Digital Content Writer: 'sorry, who are Spurs? What is Woolwich?'

So, is the problem that you don't find it believable?

I do. It all makes sense and is consistent with what we know about the guy.
 
How the fuck am I the cynic? These cunts are taking you all for fools. There was a meeting some weeks or months ago where a bunch of spivs got together and decided that you were thick enough to digest any old Harry Kane pish they could peddle.

Fuck me, I've even read some cunt go on about the beauty of the Poch Malbec image. Fuck my arse man!

'hey, Josh, I'm writing this item about an English soccer player and part of the client's remit is that I replace his father with his soccer coach but I'm not sure how to do it. I mean, he's from Argentina and the client didn't even specify how good his English was. Any ideas?'

'Argentina? I had a really nice wine from Argentina in that steak house over on 23rd last week.'

'Josh, you're amazing!'

'What? Whadda say?'

You come off as a fuckin conspiracy theorist.

Evil fuckers, aye. Feeding their gullable fans a good, inspirational story about their talisman. Horrible!
 
DVN04nkXkAEkjZd.jpg:large
Llorente got some big ass piles going on!
 
So, is the problem that you don't find it believable?

I do. It all makes sense and is consistent with what we know about the guy.
I'm just a little taken aback by everyone dripping their fannies all over the internet about it. We could all write similar articles in the first person about every player in the first team. I think we should be insulted that the club and the player's communications people have treated us with this contempt. The article actually suggests Harry was up all last night writing this before submitting it to a fucken American sports website for consideration.

How do we know you're really Harry Kane?

Eh, here's a .jpeg of my signature... will that do?

Great. Thanks


Meanwhile, in Chigwell...

Harry, well done on the goals, babe.

Fuck that Kate, I think I've just had a feature published.

Awww, babes, I just thought you were playing world of warcraft on your laptop again.
 
Fucking hell, the tabloids are going to have to earn their money on spinning more Real Madrid bullshit after reading that! This daft old cunt welled up just a bit whilst reading that.

"My dream wasn’t to play in the Premier League. My dream was to play in the Premier League for Spurs".

"And thank you, of course, to the Tottenham fans. I dreamed of playing for Spurs since I was a boy. For a long time my motivation was simply to close my eyes and picture myself scoring against Woolwich in the Premier League. Done that a few times now, and it never gets old. But now, my motivation is a bit different. Now, I close my eyes and I picture myself lifting the Premier League trophy at our new stadium with my mates. I’d trade the next 100 goals for that feeling.

We’ve been close the past few seasons, but there’s only one way to close the gap — and I’m afraid it’s quite a boring answer. As my dad would say, we’ve gotta keep working, keep doin’. Keep getting on with it".

COYS,


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How the fuck am I the cynic? These cunts are taking you all for fools. There was a meeting some weeks or months ago where a bunch of spivs got together and decided that you were thick enough to digest any old Harry Kane pish they could peddle.

Fuck me, I've even read some cunt go on about the beauty of the Poch Malbec image. Fuck my arse man!

'hey, Josh, I'm writing this item about an English soccer player and part of the client's remit is that I replace his father with his soccer coach but I'm not sure how to do it. I mean, he's from Argentina and the client didn't even specify how good his English was. Any ideas?'

'Argentina? I had a really nice wine from Argentina in that steak house over on 23rd last week.'

'Josh, you're amazing!'

'What? Whadda say?'
SausageVince SausageVince ballon burster extrodinare your talents are wasted aren't there any Scots kids dreams you could be trampling on
 
Harry is 100% going to cry when he's lifting the Champions League at the end of the season and I will join him.

He deserves it all.
 
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