The Fighting Cock Predicts: 2016/17

Pour in some beer, a few pieces of chicken, a bottle of Bells, some upper-class supermarket confectionery, mix well and allow to ferment over a few thousand minutes of chat and you will have the recipe to Tottenham knowledge. However, we at The Fighting Cock are a generous bunch, so why waste time with that when we, along with some close friends can inject the truth straight into your heads?

This is what happens this season.

What are you most looking forward to about the forthcoming season?

Flav: Not really looking forward to it. Football feeds into my existential angst and the fact that it returns every year makes it worse. But at some point in the past I decided that I should follow Tottenham. I live by my traditions so it is what it is.

Spooky: Being on the pod twice a month throughout the season. Twice in the season.

Thelonious: To see what fun and interesting new ways we can nause the season up.

Ricky: Janssen scoring against the gooners, Chelsea and West Ham. With his face.

Bardi: The Champions League. Can’t wait to see some of the greats of football live. I’m hoping for either Juve or Barca. I would love to see Buffon and/or Messi live, they are legends. Also watching Dier, Alli and Dembele go up against the Barca trio will be special.

Alex From Bristol: The core of our team maturing, learning from last season and going one better.

Windy: Saturday 3pm kick offs, more progression from this exciting young team, Harry Kane being able to get a proper break every now and then, Champions League football, 1882, Eric Dier being able to get a proper break every now and then, Dele Alli defying the ‘second season syndrome’ critics, Josh Onomah becoming Mousa Dembele mk II, Cameron Carter-Vickers, Marcus Edwards and Kyle Walker-Peters getting first team minutes, and seeing more of Mauricio Pochettino’s lovely, chubby, smiling face. I’m really excited, can you tell?!

Charlie Parrish: I’m looking forward to every visit to White Hart Lane, but know that each one will be more poignant than the last. On a less weepy note, I’m very much looking forward to some proper squad depth. Like, have we ever made a signing that made more common sense than Victor Wanyama? £11m, just turned 25, knows the league, loves Pochettino, tough as bastards. I love him already.

Billie T: Champions League football at Wembley will be special. After having to endure endless games against Europe’s obscure minnows such as Qarabag, Limassol and Woolwich it will be nice to get a glamour tie against someone like Barcelona.

It is going to be strange and very emotional saying goodbye to White Hart Lane-the home of many of the best memories of my life. It is essential that both the club and fans give the place the proper send-off it deserves, so I am looking forward to that.

James Maw: Every single home game will be something to savour. The Woolwich and United games at the end of the season are going to be incredible. Also, Eric Dier vs Chelsea.

By the end of the season who will be our main man?

Flav: As host of the podcast I would have thought that I would still be the main man. Any of you try anything you’ll see what it looks like to see a pale white man get angry. You don’t want this war.

Spooky: Pochettino. His philosophy will continue to craft men into Gods. Moneys on Dier to destroy all before him. Like Zeus with lighting bolts burning villages from the clouds.

Thelonious: Dembele.

Ricky: Leader. Eric ‘conan’ Dier. Slaying man since day, bruv.

Bardi: Eric Dier. He is everything you need in a DM. Captain material 100%.

Alex From Bristol: Mousa Dembele and Eric Dier equally.

Windy: For years we had one or maybe two outstanding players that we could rely on. Now we have a full team of quality, and it’s a case of picking who will be the best of the bunch. I’m tempted to say Lamela (I’m expecting big things), but I’ll go Alderweireld – he got my vote for Player of the Season in 2015/16, and I can’t see him letting his levels drop. What a signing he was.

Charlie Parrish: In last season’s predictions I said Toby Alderweireld, so I will again say Toby Alderweireld. He’s the most complete centre-back in the league, his class rubs off on everyone around him and those diagonals are now a legitimate, very potent part of our attack. Us getting lucky again with his fitness feels horribly vital.

Billie T: Pochettino

James Maw: A Harry Kane unburdened by Roy Hodgson’s dreadful tactics and man management (and the pressure of having to play every game).

Where do you think we will finish in the Premier League?

Flav: We’re going to win the league.

Spooky: In one of the spots available.

Thelonious: 4th.

Ricky: 4/5.

Bardi: 3rd but a long way off the top two, City and United. But this is our year for burying the hoodoo in Wenger’s last season.

Alex From Bristol: We win it at Newcas…oh wait. We just win it.Trust me.

Windy:4th.

Charlie Parrish: 4th. My head keeps reminding my heart about United, City, Chelsea, Woolwich, Liverpool and Leicester, but I think operating entirely under the radar is ideal. Especially after last season’s collapse. A wave of barbaric, frenzied White Hart Lane atmospheres could see us over the line.

Billie T: It will be a really difficult league this year with arguably the best manager in the world joining the league. But as well as Sean Dyche, Guardiola, Mourinho and Conte will mean it is more competitive than ever.

However, we were considerably better than all of their teams last year so they are playing catch up to us. I think we will finish around the top 4 and think finishing in the top 4 would be a great achievement all things considered.

James Maw: Sadly, I suspect we may slip back down to fifth – our squad isn’t huge and balancing the Champions League and Premier League won’t be easy. But recent seasons have shown rebuilding isn’t something that can be rushed, so I don’t think United, City and Chelsea will be leaving us in their dust – we’ll be in the mix, I just think we might come up short.

What would you consider to be a successful season?

Flav: Another 20,000 followers on twitter and my own TV show. And if one of you gets in a serious car crash. Probably Spook.

Spooky: Silverware and the re-definition of Spursy.

Thelonious: Winning a trophy.

Ricky: Champions League again.

Bardi: Top four. A decent crack at the CL and a cup. One of those nice shiny things would be fantastic.

Alex From Bristol: Decent progress in the CL and finishing in the top 4. Oh and another Stamford Bridge performance!

Windy: More of the exciting football that last season brought. Showing that we can compete on two fronts by not disgracing ourselves in the Champions League, and not finishing too far behind the eventual title winners.

Charlie Parrish: A concerted top four challenge and a cup of some description. I’m hungry for silverware. I’m thirsty for navy and lilywhite ribbons. We also must see off White Hart Lane in style. That means beating West Ham, Chelsea, Woolwich and United at our beautiful, beautiful home one last time.

Billie T: With the squad and manager we have I think it is time to deliver a trophy. If that is the League Cup or FA Cup then that’s fine by me; I want some silverware so that this fantastic team are written into our history books.

It’s also important to build on our excellent work last season, and by that I specifically mean making sure there is a high body count at Chelsea away again.

James Maw: Anything that leaves the fans with a feeling the club is moving forwards, even if we finish one or two places lower than last season. Some home wins against West Ham, Chelsea, Woolwich and Manchester United wouldn’t go amiss, either.

Who will finish top goal scorer?

Flav: Kane obviously.

Spooky: You mad? Kane.

Thelonious: Janssen

Ricky: “You just got Kane’d, you just got kaaaaaaaaned.”

Bardi: Kane, but this year for BANTZ he won’t score until late November, then get 30+

Alex From Bristol: Really?! Kane…..

Windy: Bae.

Charlie Parrish: Big Daddy Kane. Like Andy Murray, fatherhood will inspire him to new heights and he’ll now time to recharge with Andy Carroll replacing him in Big Sam’s England team. Harry will secure a second consecutive Golden Boot with a goal direct from a corner in White Hart Lane’s last ever fixture.

Billie T: Harry Kane will finish our top scorer yet again to become the Premier League’s first ever 3 season wonder.

James Maw: Harry Kane.

It’s Spurs, so something will probably go wrong spectacularly – what will it be?

Flav: Pochettino will leave for the Argentina job.

Spooky: Chirpy goes through gender reassignment then changes his…her…mind.

Thelonious: We’ll be top until March, then Bielsa fatigue kicks in.

Ricky: Something against our London rivals or our gate for our CL games at Wembley will be lower than WHL.

Bardi: We will reach the Champions League final where Kane will score a hattrick and Luis Enrique will be in tears as Hugo lifts the cup, only for the UK to sign article 50 that night, meaning British teams are now not allowed to compete in European competitions. UEFA will snatch the trophy from Hugo and hand it to Messi. Woolwich fans will die from laughter, every cloud and all that…..

Alex From Bristol: We ain’t about that life no more.

Windy: We’ll lose a few games where we’re up, we’ll probably have some excruciating derby defeats, and we’ll have some ‘what ifs’ to look back on. But I don’t see Pochettino accepting another Newcastle. We’ve got this.

Charlie Parrish: It’s hard to look past the last North London Derby at White Hart Lane in April. It’ll either be one of those glorious occasions we bore our grandchildren with or what sends me into therapy.

Billie T: Our English core will be ruined by Sam Allardyce and return back from International duty a mere shell of their former, glorious selves.

James Maw: Victor Wanyama to accidentally watch 30 seconds of Paranormal Activity in his hotel room the night before a big match and refuse to come out from beneath his duvet for 48 hours.

And how will we do in the cups (FA Cup, League Cup, Champions League)?

Flav: Win. Win. Win. Win.

Spooky: We’ll sacrifice the domestics again and win the continental one. The antithesis of Brexit.

Thelonious: I suspect Pochettino will play the kids and fringe players in domestic competition, depending on how we progress in the Champions League, I think there’ll be an early exit from both competitions. I think we’ll get out of our group in the Champions League, will probably get knocked out in the Quarter Finals.

Ricky: Quarters in FA cup. Early doors in League cup. Quarters in CL.

Bardi: Pochettino will probably sell the cups again. Fourth round for the domestics and knockout for the CL.

Alex From Bristol: Win, Semis, Quarters.

Windy: I always say that we’ll win something, and we never do. This year we might rotate even more heavily in the domestic cups due to the Champions League participation, and so I think our progression will be dependent on fortunate draws.

Charlie Parrish: FA Cup: Victory. As long as Michel Vorm’s not allowed near the line-up. Anyone else just a bit bored of Michel Vorm now? Let’s give Spurs TV’s Luke McGee a go. League Cup: Harry Winks, Josh Onomah and Marcus Edwards guide us to the semis before our brave, thrilling Junior Spurs fall to someone annoying, like West Brom. Champions League: Quarters. I say this knowing, as Pot 3 fodder, we could get Barcelona and Dortmund in the same group. Plus we’ll lose definite home advantages playing at Wembley. But I just fancy our boys to have the time of their lives.

Billie T: I really want to win one of the domestic cups and think the likes of Edwards, Winks and Onomah will get a good run out in the early stages of them. It would be great to get to the knock out stages of the Champions League but I will happily settle for the opportunity of seeing Dele Alli nutmeg some if Europe’s best players.

James Maw: Semi-finals, Third round, quarter-finals.

Finally, after Alex From Bristol successfully predicted that Deli Alli would win YPTOY last year, give us your “shot in the dark” prediction for 2016/17?

Flav: Marcus Edwards will be worth £30m.

Spooky: Harry Winks to join One Direction.

Thelonious: Marcus Edwards will get a full England cap.

Ricky: Marcus Edwards to score our winner at Stamford Bridge.

Bardi: Janssen to score 20+ in all competitions. I’ve never seen him play, I just have faith.

Alex From Bristol: I also said we would finish third and that Lamela would score 10 and get 10 assists but whatever. A Spurs player will win the PFA Players award, I’ll go with Dembele.

Windy: Kevin Wimmer to end the season as first choice partner for Toby Alderweireld.
And Kyle Walker-Peters to end the season as preferred back-up to Kyle Walker, ahead of Kieran Trippier and DeAndre Yedlin.

Charlie Parrish: Enfield’s finest Josh Onomah rises up and starts to look like Mousa Dembélé’s rightful central midfield heir. He’s going to be such a star and I’m always baffled as to why some Spurs fans seem a bit non-plussed by him.

Billie T: After an excellent season of 15 goals, 15 assists, 3 red cards and a Fabregas career-ending injury, a small indigenous tribe in Argentina begin to worship Erik Lamela as a God.

James Maw: Some kids to try and start the Icelandic thunderclap at a League Cup match, enraging some miserable people on Twitter (rightly, in my opinion, but I’ll keep quiet when it happens.)