You’re Better Than That

When I was a mere lad, football was a simpler place. The beautiful game still had within recent memory the emergence of Total Football in Holland, hot on the heels of the three-times World Cup winning Brazilians and of course England’s greatest triumph. Among these early – now somewhat hazy – flickering images are those of a couple of Argentinian chaps in wide-collared white, fresh from World Cup success of their own. At the time, I recall Villa was an utter giant, seemingly un-dispossessable [if there is such a thing] however Ardiles had a rugged side that belied his somewhat diminuitive stature. This was a time when footballers were ‘real men’ and hair accessories were strictly for the ladies.

Among those opening exchanges were seemingly-too-oft recurring matches against Manchester United, with their colossal Gordon McQueen and toothless Joe Jordan. These guys meant business in a way latter-day United players could only dream of – no quarter was asked and none given. But…among these beasts was one Mickey Thomas, and of him it is certainly my (and many a United fan’s) abiding memory that he introduced English football to…the dive!

Some may argue he just went down too easily [cue Frankie Howerd] but it was plain to see he was seeking to gain an unfair advantage by diving to the ground and possibly feigning an injury, to appear as if a foul has been committed. Trouble was, referees of the day were not used to such ungentlemanly behaviour and the cheating swine got away with it more often than not.

Despite various high-profile cases, not to mention players, down the years – who said Klinsmann”? – the first player to have action taken against him for this emerging crime was Rivaldo in 2002 for his phantom face-strike, for which Hakan Unsal was sent off at the time. English Premiership referees declared they would punish simulation with yellow cards in 2004, but it took until 2008 before FIFA recognised this cancer by legislating for it in the Laws of the Game.

Back to Bale’s laughable attempt to con the referee. The case for the defence, if there is one, goes something like this. In 2009, England’s own Wayne Rooney – who seems like a geniune type – said this “As a footballer, I try to be honest. But there are some times when you go down and it looks worse than it is. You might be trying to protect yourself from a defender trying to kick you and are merely trying to get out of the way.” Fair enough then, Tottenham’s Welsh wizard has suffered recently at the feet of Charlie Adam among others, so who could blame him if he feels he may come in for some heavy treatment. The approaching Aston Villa goalkeeper was seemingly committed to putting the ball into orbit along with whatever player was in the vicinity. Bale presumably saw this and simply took avoiding action. The officials must have seen contact but no foul. Case closed, right?

Sadly, football isn’t like that any more, ladies and gentlemen. Gone are the days when you were lucky to hear a live broadcast on the radio (yes the radio), let alone catch highlights some hours later if at all. We now have all manner of media on-site capturing video, broadcasting and using social networking to tell the world what is happening in real-time. Then there are replays, slow-motion and even super-slow-mo to enable fine dissection of every second of more-or-less every game. It took none of those however, to determine that the Spurs man had evaded challenge by Guzan by at least a foot before tumbling earthward. Officials must have been un-sighted, yes?

Unlikely.

As gut-wrenchingly sad as it is, one can only conclude that despite his obvious speed Bale decided he was unlikely to reach the ball first and pre-committed himself to a collision with the out-rushing goalkeeper. What is worse, is he then failed to respond to the non-arrival of said goalkeeper by altering the plan to potentially create a real goalscoring opportunity. No, it is unfortunately the case that blatant simulation has breached the walls of White Hart Lane. One would hope that a member of the coaching staff will have a word with the young man and offer something of an ‘attitude adjustment’. The modern game is rotten enough with its oil billionaires, hundred thousands-a-week wages and so-called ‘Champions League’, a talent like this should not be allowed to waste itself.

Come on Gareth, you’re better than that.

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