By Sibs (SibsTHFC)
Dear Mr Levy,
I am writing to you regarding the position of Manager of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. Between heart operations, the tax man and the England job it’s only a matter of time before Mr. Redknapp absconds/leaves, and I would like to get my application in early for consideration. I’d imagine that Mark Hughes has as well, and that Martin O’Neill – he’s always sniffing around.
Anyway, you’re a busy man so lets get down to brass tacks.
My managerial experience is based largely on my successful promotion of Boston United promoted from the Conference to the Premier League in just 7 seasons on Championship Manager 2001-02. In this time I worked with many great players, including, Desailly, Hazard (Micky), Shevchenko, and Labinot Harbuzi. More recently, in Football manager 2010, I have managed Tottenham Hotspur FC, winning the Champions League in my 3rd season in charge and making over £60M net profit. My loyalty has also been proven, having turned down the offer to numerous national sides including Oman, Gabon and Panama.
You may notice a gap in my managerial career. This is due to my ageing Macbook having a copy of Paul Mackenna’s ‘Overcome your Fear of Dogs’ audiobook stuck in its CD drive. I’ve tried tweezers and still can’t remove it. As soon as it is free I will load the latest version of the game and resume my career.
I have also begun extensive research in to one of the few remaining countries that has yet to have its players plundered by the European leagues, namely Botswana. I’ve established a list of potential transfer targets including Mosimanegape ‘Twizer’ Ramoshibidu, who plays for Botswana Meat commission FC, which is situated between the hills in Lobatse, next to Peleng River, around 75 KM away from Gaborone Athletic track and indoor sports arena.
I have already begun finding and contacting the players on Facebook see if they fancied a game. There is a park near me (well, its wasteland really) and I am happy to begin trials and fitness coaching as soon as I get the OK from you.
Here’s the best bit though Dan – My salary would be just £300 p/w , an Oyster Card (with £80 p/m credit on it), 4x return flights to Botswana and a pair of the official Spurs Mens Moccasin Slippers (size 10 please).
No need to let Harry, Joe and Kevin know just yet, we can keep it to ourselves ;o)
I look forward to hearing your favourable decision regarding my application in the near future.