Name: Ricky (After Ricky Villa)

Age: 28

Why Spurs? My dad; uncles, cousins and family friends all support Tottenham. Everyone always says to me “What would you do if your child grows up to support another team, there’s better options available?” I always reply “They won’t, you don’t choose your team, it’s something that’s in you with no conscious decision, it’s in my blood”. It’s like choosing whether or not to have a cock. There was no choice, it was always there. There was no decision.

Why not Arsenal? See the above. I also went to school with Gooners and they’re all arrogant disdainful cretins.

BIRTH. SPURS. DEATH. Right? No. Spurs. Birth. Death. I was Tottenham before I was a twinkle in my dad’s eye.

Favourite player? Dawson and Bale now, Robbo and Teddy from years gone by; Hoddle and Mackay from watching Spurs DVDs with my old man.

Two in the goo, one in the poo? Never, always five in the poo.