Age: 30

Why Spurs? My Grandfather came down from the north in search of (probably work, but I like to say) quim. Once he got here he found something better. Tottenham Hotspur. Then he found my Nan. After the war he plotted up in Holloway, north London and rank Arsenal territory. My Dad was born. Born Spurs. Then my brothers and I were born. Born Spurs. And that’s it.

Why not Arsenal? I liken it to nearly dying, but being saved, and then loving everything life gives you. Given my proximity to Highbury there was a very real risk that I could have been a G*oner. I’m lucky I have a father with decent scruples; it could have all gone so wrong.

BIRTH. SPURS. DEATH. Right? A few other things rank in importance in my life, but Tottenham is right up there.

Favourite player? No player matters much to me. I respect those that are honest professionals, so BAE is obviously a bit of a legend… I like Bale because he always makes the effort to applaud the crowd at the end of a game win or lose. But other than that it’s only ever been about the Shirt and the badge. Those are the two most important things to me.

Two in the goo, one in the poo? Five in the poo.

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