Match Report
I've got no idea if the player names in this report are right, but they weren't given numbers in the program so i'm going by this (possibly out of date) website: http://www.spursladies.co.uk/seniorsquad1112.htm
The Women's Senior Cup final is probably one of the most prestigious competitions in Ladies' Football (Woolwich ladies can fuck off because they've probably never won it) - but the FA like to keep it low key so it was played at the rather uninspiring Earlsmead Stadium, ordinarily the home of Harrow Borough FC (who currently play in the Ryman League Premier - 1 division below the Blue Square South). The stadium seats 350 people although the official capacity includes space for 2,720 standing spectators - and there was no danger of this being a capacity crowd.
An interesting crowd began to form, made up mainly of friends and family of the players, as well as the Tottenham Ladies U12's team running around like headcases and a few pervy-looking old men standing in one corner. I also got funny looks for turning up proudly displaying my Spurs shirt and smashing down a burger and chips (awful quality, never go to Harrow Borough FC if you're after good burgers).
Tottenham Hotspur Ladies were presumably the favourites for this game, seeing as nobody has ever heard of "MSA Ladies" who were the opposition. A tough pitch and the obvious disadvantage of having breasts created tricky conditions for these women.
And it was Spurs who opened the scoring after around 10 minutes after a wild cross from the right wing bounced off the near post to the feet of leggy blonde Wendy Martin, who made no mistake from a few yards out. The comparisons to the male team were inevitable, as the Scott Parker-esque Leanna Roy did a sterling job protecting the back four and sweeping up any loose balls (probably the changing rooms too if you asked her nicely). She nearly created a second goal for Spurs with a deep cross aimed at Martin just moments after the opening goal, but the tall number 12 failed to get her head on it.
It wasn't total domination for Spurs however, with the number 5 for MSA looking very dangerous on their right wing. She had a serious case of 'pushy-dad syndrome' though- as he verbally slaughtered her with every misplaced pass or feeble effort to get the ball. On one occasion the little #5 showed some tricky footwork to beat several players, only to be stopped in her tracks by Roy (the one that's like Parker).
There were several chances for Spurs to increase the lead within the opening 20 minutes, with an audacious lob by Jenna Schillaci almost dipping in and Jess Cheeseman having a long-range shot fading away from goal at the last minute. It remained 1-0 for only a short time though, as a great diagonal ball from Miranda Hall bounced awkwardly in front of an MSA defender who completely misjudged it, allowing Martin to grab her second by beautifully lobbing it over the onrushing MSA 'keeper.
Tensions began to fray moments after the Spurs Ladies had doubled their lead though, as the tricky MSA #5 left Hall in a heap on the floor. Hall offered her hand but #5 walked away, sparking angry reactions from fans (well, just me. But still, #5 is a right bitch). Pushy dad was then up in arms as Spurs' Robyn Downie (who looked a bit like Sol Campbell - tits included) dished out some revenge with a chest-high challenge which went unpunished.
More comparisons to the men were drawn as our on #5 - Sam Pittuck - performed a Disco Benny-esque flick whilst under pressure in defence, much to the delight of me (once again). Before the break, Martin was denied her hat-trick three times in as many minutes, firstly by a cynical foul on the edge of the area. It was clear that the Ladies' shared the men's problems with set-pieces, as the resultant free-kick was fired out of the stadium. This sounds more impressive than it was, as the stadium was only about 12ft high. The second chance came from a glorious cross by Kirsten Thomson which was met by Martin's diving header; which shaved the crossbar on its way over. Finally a great ball came over the top of the defence which left her in acres of space, and as she went through one-on-one she hit an abysmal effort with her left foot past the post. All of a sudden it seemed like this stadium was the right setting for the standard of football.
The half-time whistle blew and I had time to reflect on a dominant first-half. It seems both goalkeepers were afraid to use their hands, preferring instead to lump the ball out for a throw-in. This could potentially have been to avoid breaking nails or getting muddy, though. I must also add that right at the end of the half I became very attracted to the #2 of MSA who was very attractive.
A rejuvenated MSA came out of the tunnel for the second-half though, having obviously enjoyed their half-time oranges. They peppered Jo Ayre's goal with a few pot-shots but nothing that really threatened the leaders. A great chance did come in the form of a goalmouth scramble, although some desperate defending managed to get the ball clear.
Rather amusingly, on around 55 minutes our #44 (can't find a name) went down with what I presume was cramp, but could easily have been childbirth with the way her legs were spread and the position assumed by 'Vicky' who she had called over. The general feeling of the game was summarised when the resulting drop ball which was supposed to go back to the goalkeeper ended up looping over her head and out for a goal-kick.
Just after the hour mark, Martin completed her hat-trick with yet another Messi-esque lob from 12yds which left the MSA 'keeper with no chance. It was now 3-0 to the Tottenham Ladies and it looked like game over. A quickfire double was completed as just two minutes later, our #8 (no name again) took advantage of some horror-show defending by the MSA #3 to tuck it under the MSA 'keeper again and make it 4-0 with 20mins left on the clock.
#8 then almost turned creator as she threaded a great ball through to Martin whose shot was excellently saved by the otherwise unimpressive MSA 'keeper. A controversial subject then arose from the MSA #15 who went down after catching one in the bollocks, potentially sparking calls for gender verification checks.
The final whistle approached without much threat from MSA, who were denied a weak claim for a penalty in the dying seconds as their #8 was brushed off in the area. All in all it was a shocking game, but Wendy Martin up top looked lively and could well be troubling Emma Adebayor for a place in the first-team.
All together now: "When Sam, went up, to lift the Ladies Cup I was there, I was thereeee!"
I've got no idea if the player names in this report are right, but they weren't given numbers in the program so i'm going by this (possibly out of date) website: http://www.spursladies.co.uk/seniorsquad1112.htm
The Women's Senior Cup final is probably one of the most prestigious competitions in Ladies' Football (Woolwich ladies can fuck off because they've probably never won it) - but the FA like to keep it low key so it was played at the rather uninspiring Earlsmead Stadium, ordinarily the home of Harrow Borough FC (who currently play in the Ryman League Premier - 1 division below the Blue Square South). The stadium seats 350 people although the official capacity includes space for 2,720 standing spectators - and there was no danger of this being a capacity crowd.
An interesting crowd began to form, made up mainly of friends and family of the players, as well as the Tottenham Ladies U12's team running around like headcases and a few pervy-looking old men standing in one corner. I also got funny looks for turning up proudly displaying my Spurs shirt and smashing down a burger and chips (awful quality, never go to Harrow Borough FC if you're after good burgers).
Tottenham Hotspur Ladies were presumably the favourites for this game, seeing as nobody has ever heard of "MSA Ladies" who were the opposition. A tough pitch and the obvious disadvantage of having breasts created tricky conditions for these women.
And it was Spurs who opened the scoring after around 10 minutes after a wild cross from the right wing bounced off the near post to the feet of leggy blonde Wendy Martin, who made no mistake from a few yards out. The comparisons to the male team were inevitable, as the Scott Parker-esque Leanna Roy did a sterling job protecting the back four and sweeping up any loose balls (probably the changing rooms too if you asked her nicely). She nearly created a second goal for Spurs with a deep cross aimed at Martin just moments after the opening goal, but the tall number 12 failed to get her head on it.
It wasn't total domination for Spurs however, with the number 5 for MSA looking very dangerous on their right wing. She had a serious case of 'pushy-dad syndrome' though- as he verbally slaughtered her with every misplaced pass or feeble effort to get the ball. On one occasion the little #5 showed some tricky footwork to beat several players, only to be stopped in her tracks by Roy (the one that's like Parker).
There were several chances for Spurs to increase the lead within the opening 20 minutes, with an audacious lob by Jenna Schillaci almost dipping in and Jess Cheeseman having a long-range shot fading away from goal at the last minute. It remained 1-0 for only a short time though, as a great diagonal ball from Miranda Hall bounced awkwardly in front of an MSA defender who completely misjudged it, allowing Martin to grab her second by beautifully lobbing it over the onrushing MSA 'keeper.
Tensions began to fray moments after the Spurs Ladies had doubled their lead though, as the tricky MSA #5 left Hall in a heap on the floor. Hall offered her hand but #5 walked away, sparking angry reactions from fans (well, just me. But still, #5 is a right bitch). Pushy dad was then up in arms as Spurs' Robyn Downie (who looked a bit like Sol Campbell - tits included) dished out some revenge with a chest-high challenge which went unpunished.
More comparisons to the men were drawn as our on #5 - Sam Pittuck - performed a Disco Benny-esque flick whilst under pressure in defence, much to the delight of me (once again). Before the break, Martin was denied her hat-trick three times in as many minutes, firstly by a cynical foul on the edge of the area. It was clear that the Ladies' shared the men's problems with set-pieces, as the resultant free-kick was fired out of the stadium. This sounds more impressive than it was, as the stadium was only about 12ft high. The second chance came from a glorious cross by Kirsten Thomson which was met by Martin's diving header; which shaved the crossbar on its way over. Finally a great ball came over the top of the defence which left her in acres of space, and as she went through one-on-one she hit an abysmal effort with her left foot past the post. All of a sudden it seemed like this stadium was the right setting for the standard of football.
The half-time whistle blew and I had time to reflect on a dominant first-half. It seems both goalkeepers were afraid to use their hands, preferring instead to lump the ball out for a throw-in. This could potentially have been to avoid breaking nails or getting muddy, though. I must also add that right at the end of the half I became very attracted to the #2 of MSA who was very attractive.
A rejuvenated MSA came out of the tunnel for the second-half though, having obviously enjoyed their half-time oranges. They peppered Jo Ayre's goal with a few pot-shots but nothing that really threatened the leaders. A great chance did come in the form of a goalmouth scramble, although some desperate defending managed to get the ball clear.
Rather amusingly, on around 55 minutes our #44 (can't find a name) went down with what I presume was cramp, but could easily have been childbirth with the way her legs were spread and the position assumed by 'Vicky' who she had called over. The general feeling of the game was summarised when the resulting drop ball which was supposed to go back to the goalkeeper ended up looping over her head and out for a goal-kick.
Just after the hour mark, Martin completed her hat-trick with yet another Messi-esque lob from 12yds which left the MSA 'keeper with no chance. It was now 3-0 to the Tottenham Ladies and it looked like game over. A quickfire double was completed as just two minutes later, our #8 (no name again) took advantage of some horror-show defending by the MSA #3 to tuck it under the MSA 'keeper again and make it 4-0 with 20mins left on the clock.
#8 then almost turned creator as she threaded a great ball through to Martin whose shot was excellently saved by the otherwise unimpressive MSA 'keeper. A controversial subject then arose from the MSA #15 who went down after catching one in the bollocks, potentially sparking calls for gender verification checks.
The final whistle approached without much threat from MSA, who were denied a weak claim for a penalty in the dying seconds as their #8 was brushed off in the area. All in all it was a shocking game, but Wendy Martin up top looked lively and could well be troubling Emma Adebayor for a place in the first-team.
All together now: "When Sam, went up, to lift the Ladies Cup I was there, I was thereeee!"
