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  1. Sotonian

    Joined:
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    Saints fan in peace.
    To those of you bitching and moaning about MP let me give you some context.

    I am and have been a Saints fan for over 30 years. Season ticket holder since I was 7 (With the exception of two separate years - when kids and finances dictated) and have seen players and managers come and go, which is part of the game.

    I've seen players like Channon, Ball, Shilton, Wright, Keegan, Williams, Wallace, Shearer, Hoddle (You lot again) Walcott, Bale, Chamberlain etc. etc. all leave.
    Not one of those departures hurts as much as this one.
    I genuinely think you now have one of the best managers in the league. He is completely different from anything else you have seen. Not all players will survive his arrival - Including big names, but for those of you that are moaning..... take yourselves back to the first half at White Hart Lane against the Saints...... We battered you, humiliated you and then gave away a bizarre goal and let you back in. Your squad won't let that happen - More maturity, depth and quality.

    Enjoy the ride - And you will get one.
     
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  2. Tottenham Sean

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    #1 Tottenham Sean, 14 Dec 2015
    Last edited: 14 Dec 2015
    A friend of mine is spending his last few months in a Hospice with cancer.He has had chemo and it didn't even touch it.
    His wife contacted the club via email and asked could she purchase two tickets for boxing day so he could see his beloved Spurs one last time.She asked could they be end of row and near as possible to the exit,as he isn't very strong these days.
    The club contacted her back and offered her a box free of charge for them both ,plus whichever friends they wish to invite.
    I would be lying if I said it didn't bring tears to my eyes

    Lets hope the boys do the business on the 26th :)
     
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  3. jimmyriggle

    Blatant

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    Ever done something that you are simultaneously totally ashamed of but also really really happy you did it?

    As we know, the squad are on a training camp in Barcelona this week. So obviously it would have been rude not to go out and hunt for some pictures. Thanks to my top internet stalking skillz, I worked out from Harry Kane's Insta account where they must be staying.

    So, after some debate about whether this was a sensible or normal thing for two grown men to do, me and another local yiddo went out to see if we can track any of them down in the vicinity of the hotel.
    The first pass wasn't successful and our attempt to blag into the hotel bar was met with derision from the concierge staff. It was clear we were just going to have to walk the streets.

    Anyway, after about 10 minutes this happened...



    Shortly followed by this



    I'd love to say we played it totally cool. However upon seeing Jan and the Moose i fell apart faster than an Woolwich title challenge. They were all good guys though. No pics but we also met dele alli and ben davies in Starbucks and had a little chat. Looking at Alli he is so young and skinny I have zero idea how he is the same guy running a premier league midfield. In fact they all look so ridiculously young that I now feel slightly stupid for investing so much emotion in watching them play football.

    Sadly we couldn't track down the rest of the players and after walking past Son, Carroll, Mason etc. several times we began to feel a little too stalky so went home. Anyway you'll be glad to know they all think we have a good chance of winning the league. Also, I could practically feel the raw power of Dembele just by having my arm on his shoulder. He felt like he was made of steel and concrete.

    Sorry for the braggy thread but I am a little over excited. Also a big 'fuck you' to the first person who replies with "I didn't realise you lived in Barcelona."

    Anyone else ever acted like a pre-teen girl and gone out of their way to stalk spurs players?
     
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  4. Big Sky Spur

    Twitter:
    @BrawnyDirigible
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    (note: for those that could give a fuck, please proceed to uploading your “didn't read LOL” gifs now. This is admittedly an indulgent effort, but the internet and TFC forum sometimes makes me just want to share. The rest of you, hope you enjoy. COYS)

    An Introduction


    [​IMG]

    This is my home. It is roughly 4570 miles from White Hart Lane. You could actually seat the entire town in the ground itself, and Levy would still have room to do his Dr. Evil musings over the rail. By my reckoning I am the only Spurs supporter in my town, ever since another guy here moved to Seattle a few months ago. I am possibly the only Spurs supporter for several hundred miles in all directions, maybe even the whole state.

    For the last four years my experience has been confided to a small TV room in the back of our house and dicey internet streams. My celebrations and laments have been singular episodes. Occasionally the missus would join me on the couch, but this was mostly so she could oggle Bale's firm haunches and radiant youth. My oldest daughter is starting to get it, but at not quite 6 years old it still seems odd to her that Daddy jumps up and down at the television screaming and clapping to no one.

    It used to frighten her actually.

    The Way There

    Two weeks ago, standing on the platform in Victoria Station with my mate and goddaughter, I looked around me. It was quiet, and maybe thirty or so people stood waiting for the train. A tall gaunt man in Spurs track top was reading a folded newspaper. A skinny kid listened to his ipod, staring at the tracks, his lilywhite shirt emblazoned with “KING” on the back. Two blokes, one with a Tottenham scarf draped around his neck chatted amongst themselves. While there may have been just five or so of us on that platform, I was now in proximity to more Spurs supporters than in my entire time supporting the club. It took every bit of my will not to “American it” and start chatting them up randomly. I decided to save the dorkiness for this long post.

    Starting as a few folks at Victoria, our numbers grew with each station stop. By Highbury & Islington, we were a train with a purpose. Supporters of all types were on board. There were the families, the drinking buddies, the quiet loners staring at their feet, and a small consortium of the verbose who were recapping the season amongst themselves. They lamented the loss of Sandro and wished for early season Defoe form. The smell of beer wafted through the car. Up on the side of the tube car I saw two stickers just below the window, each of them said in navy blue “DML”. I did a double take.

    Spooky you cheeky bastard.

    [​IMG]

    The final switch at Seven Sisters to the Overground took it to another level. We were now a herd. The platform was straight Spurs. When the train pulled into our final stop, I caught a glimpse of the top of the stadium.

    Disembarking and down on street level, I tried to take in as much as I could on the walk. It looked a gritty neighborhood that reminded me of when I lived on the lower East Side in NYC. The sidewalk ahead was a mass of people, their shoulders moving up and down as they tromped along. We passed a pub and looking in it seemed pretty quiet. Inside, an older man sat at table staring out at the street, lost in thought. Food trailers dotted the area outside the ground, giving it a bit of county fair feel, and people stood about heaving food into themselves before venturing inside.

    Up to this point, I'd managed to contain myself. But as we made our way around the north end to our gate and I leered up at the walls of White Hart Lane, a rush came over me. Thinking of a lot of things at once, but mostly how lucky I was to be here at last, I slightly welled up.

    Turning to the north east corner, my goddaughter and I found our gate, strangely narrow at first glance as if designed to keep people from storming the ground en masse. When we got into the darker interior, I felt like I was buying a pint of vodka from an all night liquor store. As I handed the woman my goddaughter's ticket and my Spurs card we moved through the crank of the turnstile, and it gave a demonstrative clunk and just like that we found ourselves on the other side.

    The Ground, The Game

    Romanticizing the lobby of seating area 24 would be simply putting lipstick on a pig. It was as gritty as the neighborhood. For someone like me who grew up in the eighties before the true golden age of sports arenas had arrived, it did remind me of Shea Stadium. The aluminum piss trough in the loo was a throw back I'd not anticipated. God help the poor soul whose bowels needed to conduct serious business on match day. But moving up and out of the darkness of the interior we were met with bright sunshine and the emerald green hue of the pitch.

    Our seats were good, 10 rows back, northeast side.

    [​IMG]

    My buddy's ticket, not so much.....

    [​IMG]

    Although later he said it was awesome up there. He could see the game totally unfold.

    Down at pitch level we watched the warm ups intently, after a bit I looked up from the pitch to see the ground at nearly full swell.

    [​IMG]

    The crowd came to its feet at kick off and then before I knew it, by near instinct, my hands were spread wide, the sun shining on us, and I was belting at full throat:

    “COME ON YOU SPURS! COME ON YOU SPURS! COME ON YOU SPURS!”

    Game on and looking back there were some distinct moments that will be with me always. The short thunder of seats flipping up as we got to our feet and craned our necks down the pitch as Bale broke out into space. The strange dude with the African hat, on the North stand swinging some a voodoo rattle, his other hand pushed out into the air in some sort of attempt at telekinesis during our free kicks. The thunderous revolt at Bale's yellow card. The deflected chance off the woodwork and the unified gasps. The crowd. The noise. Oh, and the douche behind me....

    Enter the Wanker

    The blemish to the day was not our failure at CL qualification. It was the man who ended up right behind us for the game. Apparently the only two words he felt like yelling for much of the match were “FUCK!” and “CUNT!” If it wasn't for the fact that we were in the family section, I wouldn't care. But my goddaughter is 11 and there were what looked to be 6 and 7 year olds in front of us. I leaned over to her and asked if she was ok, if the guy was scaring her.

    She looked up at me under the lid of my cap I'd given her to shield the sun. In her sweet English accent she said, “That's ok, I'm awright.”

    Good girl.

    And ultimately it was not the language that bothered me. It was his fucking attitude. As the game wore on and remained scoreless he became more and more agitated and cynical, spouting off all sorts of crap:

    “NO TACTICS!”

    at Benoit “QUIT CHEWING YOUR GUM LIKE YOU COULD GIVE A FUCK!”

    at Dempsey “WORTHLESS! WHAT 'AS HE EVER DONE FER US?!”

    It was as if the worst posters on TFC decided to inhabit the same person simultaneously.

    After I think Bale's third free kick attempt he demonstrated that he was at least 4 standard deviations beyond your average wanker:

    “WHY IS HE TAKIN' ALL THE FREE KICKS! HE'S AWFUL!”

    I turned around at this point and just mouthed at him, “What the fuck?” He averted my gaze and crossed his arms. His final genius came in the last 20 minutes when all he could say is:

    “WHAT THE FUCK IS LENNON DOING ON THE LEFT AND BALE ON THE FUCKING RIGHT!”

    Over and over again.

    And then it happened. A brisk pass to Bale, ON THE RIGHT. He popped it in the air and then brought it to the ground and paused briefly. I have no idea what Bale is thinking about at these moments, these brief pauses he is sometimes allowed as the opposition stands off and waits. Then it was touch, touch and he has sprung away and then like a shot all I manage to see is the inside of the net being pushed back by the ball, the keeper hopelessly on the ground.

    Everything went completely mental after that and I am screaming and jumping, and screaming and jumping.

    My goddaughter appeared slightly freaked out.

    Well Sir Potty Mouth shut the fuck up after that. Didn't hear a peep out of him or his fat ginger son (forgot to mention his spawn which is how he ended up in the family section) for the rest of the match.

    The Return Home

    The final whistle signaled the end of a roller coaster ride for me. We did not make CL but it was a great finish. Meeting up with my mate outside and he was still awestruck by the Bale blinder. We got in line for the train and things were quiet. Some Sunderland fans made their way to the end of the queue and things were civil. I was struck by how ridiculous they look up close. The stripe kit makes them look clownish. Poor bastards. All this way for nothing.

    The return home on the train was the opposite as people dispersed bit by bit, stop after stop. We were soon just a regular train with regular people.

    I do not know when I'll be back. It will never be too soon though. Those of you that get to the ground regularly, count your blessings. Those of you that have been putting off the trip, do it as soon as you can.

    -Big Sky Spur
     
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  5. EighteenEightyTwo

    Hugo's heat map

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    #5841 EighteenEightyTwo, 8 Apr 2016
    Last edited: 8 Apr 2016
    Was anyone else like this when watching the new animation?

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. S.L.R

    Closed Account

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    The whole yid thing is done, we need a new angle
     
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  7. Joe Clash

    Gone Feral

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    #7 Joe Clash, 7 Dec 2015
    Last edited: 7 Dec 2015
    More.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Norwegian_Yid

    Joined:
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    Remember my post a few weeks back about getting in touch with local charities in North London regarding Spurs tickets?

    I'm pleased to say that Spurs Norway have now been able to pay for 120 tickets(100 kids+20 adults) for the Monaco game on Thursday. The tickets have been given to various schools and youth organizations in Tottenham, Seven Sisters, Hackney and Walthamstow. Most of the kids are already Spurs fans, but have never been to a game.

    I hope they get a good experience, and if there was ever any doubt, they realize that Spurs is now the team they love.
     
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  9. Mrs Perryman

    I'm a Cockney Malteser

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    #1 Mrs Perryman, 10 Jul 2015
    Last edited: 10 Jul 2015
    Several years ago, a young lady passed by my desk, admired my photo of me and David Ginola, asked if I was a Spurs supporter (!?!?!?), stated she was a season ticket holder and we became instant friends. Fast forward a few years and like all other supporters, got so excited when we qualified for the Champions League. I had promised myself that if we drew Barcelona, R Madrid or either of the Milan clubs, I would go to the away leg. So as luck would have it, we made our plans to go to the Inter game. The day of the game found us at a pavement cafe by the square of the Cathedral, we were with a small group of friends. On the table next to us, were a couple of guys, and we just got talking. I noticed that there was a little spark between my friend and one of them. When it came to leaving to go to the game, we got separated, but luckily enough, we bumped into them inside the ground (bit of luck, as our end was packed). Didn't think I would be so lucky again, and they both seemed a bit shy with each other, so I decided to take the bull by the horns and asked him for his email address, on the pretext that he could send me the photos he had taken of the San Siro in daylight. Anyway, we kept in touch when we get back, the two of them started dating, and to cut a long story short, we are all off to Italy next week, to attend their wedding.
    So, best wishes to Trish and Pri, every happiness to you both xxxx
     
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  10. JDK

    JDK
    Raw Ill give it to ya no trivia. Okay, some trivia

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    My pitch to Spurs for getting this job:
    • SpursTV series where Lloris reads the dictionary.
    • Supermarket sweep game show at the Sainsbury's starring Ledley. [​IMG]
    • Pimp my ride with Dukes the kit boy hosting in the Xhibit role.
    • ITK hour hosted by Brian Lamela.
    • Discount Travel tips featuring Daniel Levy.
    • 24 hour live webcam of the SpursTV employees smashing their heads continually into office walls trying to think of features to do now that Sandro and Holtby are gone.
    • For the American support, Brad Friedel will stage a dramatic reenactment of the signing of the Declaration of Independence based on his memories of observing it live as a teenager.
    • Myth busters: was Dawson actually delighted?
    • "Maury(icio)": Was Sherwood actually Bentaleb's father? Live DNA tests conducted by Maury(icio) and staff.
    • "Life's Good": Adebayor takes us behind the scenes of his Instagram posts.
    • "Spurs Sexy Shagging Sixty Seconds" starring the hairless wonder himself, Nacer Chadli!
    • "One-Way Ticket": a travel show based around players giving SpursTV an exclusive tour of the towns they grew up in. First episode is Paulinho showing us his hometown of São Paulo, Brazil. He is "accidentally" left behind and the show is thereafter cancelled.
    • "Tours of London with Mousa Dembele": He spends the whole time trying to dribble out of a phone booth.
    • "Piss-take" starring Vlad Chiriches. He drinks a shit ton of Tuica and teaches the viewer snow sports.[​IMG]
    This job is fucking mine, you cunts.
     
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  11. DBtheRed

    Joined:
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    I've not come here to gloat about the result, I just wanted to say that the travelling Spurs fans who invaded my regular pre-match alehouse were absolutely exceptional company.

    The pub I drink in is called The Valley on St. Domingo Road about a mile down the hill from Anfield. It never usually gets visiting fans in for precisely that reason, it's a pain in the arse walking up the hill after a few pre match scoops, most aways prefer the Arkles near the Anfield Road End.

    Anyway, they all took the result on the chin, had a good laugh and I hope are still going strong now. The atmosphere before, during and after the game was superb and that's got a lot to do with the Spurs fans I encountered today. They were a credit to THFC.

    Best of luck for the rest of the season and if you were in the Valley this afternoon, we'll see you next year.

    Daniel.
     
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  12. Spurs1882DW

    Twitter:
    @david_winsley
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    #40 Spurs1882DW, 2 Dec 2015
    Last edited: 9 Dec 2015
    Okay, I've just got home and it was an absolutely brilliant event. Virtually all of your 'sensible' questions were answered, so here goes from memory and in no particular order:

    January 2016 Transfer Window
    • There are definitely funds available to strengthen the squad.
    • DL made it very clear that MP will always have the final say on which players are bought or sold.
    • They will look to do business 'swiftly' (yeah right), if the right player becomes available.
    • A number of supporters stated they were worried about being one Harry Kane injury away from disaster.
    New Stadium

    Lots of questions about this as you can probably imagine, so I've summarised the main bits.
    • £110m has already been spent on the project so far, and the total build cost is going to be around £500m once finished.
    • Everything is geared towards being in the fully completed stadium for the start of the 2018/19 season.
    • I'm sure we knew this already, but the new stadium will be corporately named and will definitely not be called White Hart Lane or the 'New White Hart Lane'.
    • DL said all efforts are being made to secure Wembley (at the reduced 50k capacity) for the 2017/18 season away from WHL.
    • DL said there is no intension to be away from Tottenham for more than one season.
    • DL got a round of applause and made everyone laugh, when someone suggested that we were going to share the Olympic Stadium with the Spammers. His exact words were 'do you think that pug-nosed bitch Karen Brady would agree to that?' **Edit: he may not have said 'pug-nosed' or 'bitch'
    • 1882 got a mention and DL said extensive efforts have been made in the design and choice of materials to make the atmosphere as vibrant as possible.
    • DL said he was very well aware of supporters concerns about ticket prices in the new stadium and there would be a wide-range of pricing options.
    1st Team
    • MP & HL both said that there is an excellent team spirit and sense of togetherness in the dressing room and that everyone was pulling in the same direction.
    • MP said that all the players understand his way of thinking and that he credits his backroom team with raising the fitness level of the whole squad.
    • As we already know, MP said he enjoys working with a mixture of experienced international's and the young players. His aim is to improve every player in the squad.
    • When drawing up a list of transfer targets at the end of last season, it was widely recognised that we needed a defensive mid-fielder. However, MP told DL and the rest of the THFC board, that he would turn Eric Dier into defensive mid-fielder, which he has definitely succeeded at, I am sure you will agree.
    • HL said the vocal support the team receives home and away is the best he has ever experienced in his footballing career.
    Other
    • Surprisingly, HL said his idol or hero when he was growing-up, was Pete Sampras.
    • MP said his hero was his father when he was growing-up, but is now DL - this got a huge laugh and round of applause, as I'm sure you can imagine.
    • DL clearly stated that neither ENIC/Joe Lewis had any intention of selling the club, once the new stadium is complete and they are in it for the long-term.
    • Son is the biggest joker in the dressing room, closely followed by Kyle Walker.
    Sales of Bale & Modric

    This point wasn't raised by any of the supporters, but is something DL referred to when talking about keeping the best players at the club.
    • DL said something very interesting about the sales of both Luka Modric and Gareth Bale. He stated that the club did not wish to sell either player and that the final decision was made by the manager at time.
    • In LM's case and as is widely known, Chelsea made a big bid for him, but Harry convinced him to stay for one more season, before getting his dream move to Real Madrid.
    • In GB's case, AVB decided that he could not offer him what he wanted and was likely to be a disruptive influence in the dressing room, if he was made to stay.
    My Observations
    • There is a real feel-good factor around every area of the club at the moment and numerous supporters said how pleased they were with the progress that is being made on and off the pitch.
    • DL is actually a much more approachable and easy-going kind of guy, than I have always thought he was. He's clearly very intelligent, astute and rightly deserves credit for how far the club has come, since ENIC took-over.
    • It was clear to me that MP and the whole club are very ambitious and positive about the future. I definitely got the impression that the new stadium is an integral part of looking beyond the top 4.
    • Finally, I really got the impression that MP is genuinely the man they wanted as manager, and that he has the complete and full backing of DL, plus the rest of the THFC board.
    If I'm being totally honest, there was only one negative to report, which was a question from a female member of LGBT Spurs. She asked a completely inappropriate, confusing and seemingly politically motivated question, which neither HL or MP really understood or knew what to say in response. I didn't really get it either and it was more of a political statement rather than a question in the end.

    Other than that, it was a fantastic evening and I don't think, I've ever been prouder to support our great club.

    The future's bright, the future's Lilywhite, as they say.

    COYS!!!
     
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  13. Cosmic Rooster

    Twitter:
    @Cosmic_Rooster
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  14. Buggot

    Claiming all credit for Son since 2012

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    The following email has been addressed to Mr. Levy via TFC's emailing services. The following email is as follows:
    -------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Daniel Levy,

    DING DING DING!
    It's time for the annual 24 hour countdown! We're holding the biggest blowout sale ever!

    [​IMG]

    Do you want to end up like this?

    [​IMG]


    Of course not, Daniel! Everyone knows you don't and won't ever have any hair. So we here at The Fighting Cock have lined up an assortment of impressive options via our amazing scouts and forum experts, who are but are not limited to:

    John ThomasJohn Thomas !
    [​IMG]

    n17troopsn17troops !
    [​IMG]

    TottiTotti !
    [​IMG]

    Senior Editor Joe ClashJoe Clash !
    [​IMG]

    Chief ITK FreudlyuchenkoFreudlyuchenko !
    [​IMG]

    Furball manFurball man !
    [​IMG]


    ArcspacEArcspacE !
    [​IMG]


    AND THE REST OF US!
    [​IMG]


    Firstly, we thank you for your purchases of Janssen and Wanyama!
    [​IMG] [​IMG]


    However, we feel that there time is running out, and you can really do with these valuable assets! Of course, time is running out, and you only have about 24 hours to buy!

    And so, we have lined up a few products. Right, guys?

    [​IMG]

    ...Right?

    So here are some potential products:
    John McGinn!
    [​IMG]
    Oh never mind, scratch that. He's currently faulty. McGinn


    Guys, what else do we have? Oh, right! Zaha!
    [​IMG]
    Scratch that, our experts said they just ran out of stock on him! Zaha


    ...Gotze?
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    Dang it! Gotze. I'm sure we'll find another excellent product, Mr. Levy. Don't you worry...


    Oh, N'koudou?
    Bless you! Tissue?


    Lastly, our prized sale of the 3 month shop...
    Isco!
    Oh, sorry. I forgot to translate for Mr. Poch. Our prized sale, BISCO!
    [​IMG]
    He's used goods from our old partner, Real Madrid! I'm sure you'll love him. Most importantly, he doesn't mind taking a cheap tram to work! Here he is enjoying a quick ride!
    [​IMG]


    We think you'll enjoy him very very much in your collection.

    What's that? Oh, that guy is just some stranger who intruded our workplace. His name is gibbs131gibbs131.

    [​IMG]

    Don't worry about him. Anyways, we really hope you make a purchase soon. We'll be closed in under 24 hours, and we hope to hear from you soon!

    Sincerely,
    The loving, tender, considerate men of The Fighting Cock
    ------------------------------------------------

    End of email message.
     
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  15. CJJ

    CJJ

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    All real quotes.

     
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  16. VirginiaSpur

    Never Forget What

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    :levyeyes:: "Yes, hello, this is Daniel Levy."

    :adeninja:: "We have taken your grand-mother. If you value her life, you must send 35 million Euros to the following Swiss bank account..."

    :levylol: : "Euros? Are you mad? What kind of kidnapper demands Euros, what with half of Europe about to collapse? Not to mention, it would be much easier for me to access pounds sterling. Exchange rates are a nightmare, after all!"

    :adeninja:: "That would suffice. 35 million pounds or we ship you her HEAD!"

    :levywtf: : "Oh come on you fool, are you trying to jack the price up on me? You can't very well demand 35 million Euros, then increase your demand to 35 million pounds!"

    :adeninja:: "I... I'm sorry, I don't understand. 35 million pounds OR ELSE!!!!"

    :levystare:: "Ah, you see, it's all to do with exchange rates. After all, a US dollar is not worth a Euro, is not worth a pound. By current exchange rates, demanding 35 million pounds is equivalent to demanding over 43 million Euros! The equivalent in pounds sterling would be 28,393,188.88, according to today's rates."

    :adeninja:: "WHO GIVES A SHIT! Listen, send the money or else. I don't care if it's 35 million Euros or 28 million pounds, JUST GET US THE FUCKING MONEY!!!!"

    :levywtf: : "My dear, I can tell you've never done this before... Don't you understand how negotiation works? You make an offer, and I low-ball that offer with my counter-offer. After several iterations we eventually meet in the middle."

    :adeninja:: "Are you trying to tell me you won't pay?"


    :levystare:: "10,000 pounds..."

    :adeninja:: "What?!?! You think we won't do it?"

    :levylol:: "Oh, I know you won't, because then you lose all of your leverage."

    :adeninja:: "20 million pounds, or we will start shipping body parts to you!!!"

    :levystare:: "Oh how horrific!!! But you see, I've never even really liked the cunt. When I learned to drive, all of the popular kid's grandparents bought them a BMW or Mercedes when they turned of age. All my grandparents gave me was a used Austin Allegro. Do you understand how difficult it is to lose your virginity driving one of those pieces of shit?!"

    :adeninja:: "I... That's horrible. OK, 17.5 million pounds and it's a deal."

    :levylol:: "AHA!! So you DO know how to deal. Sadly, I'm only getting started! My previous offer was 10,000 pounds. I'll increase that to 125,000 pounds."

    :adeninja:: "Are you sadistic? What kind of man values his grandmother in this way?"

    :levystare:: "That's a very generous offer. Think of all that you can do with that money. I only tell you this because I've already noticed from your accent that you are Albanian..."

    :adeninja:: "You what??..."

    :levywtf:: "I'M NOT FINISHED!!!! As I was saying, the GDP per capita of the Albanian citizen is roughly 4.5k USD. Let's see... adjusting for exchange rates... long division... Ah yes, that comes out to about the year's salary of 45 of the average Albanian citizen. So, you see, you can feed an awful lot of your underlings with that amount of money. I would hardly guess that your organization truly employs 45 individuals however, that number of employees in the business of organized crime begins to become unmanageable, what with simply too many people talking and bragging about the money they're making, trying to impress young hot tight-bodies. I would generously estimate that an individual of your obviously limited experience in kidnapping has, hmm... a dozen employees at most?"

    :adeninja:: "Ah, what? HOW DID YOU KNOW... I mean, 10 million and we'll call it a deal."

    :levyeyes: : "HA! Listen, I'm getting tired of this. I'm a very busy man and I'm trying to build a new stadium. I'll tell you what. I appreciate the effort that you've put into this deal, so I'll respect that by offering you rather more than I would have in any other situation. 750,000 pounds and it's a deal."

    :adeninja:: "THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!!"

    :levylol:: "Oh good, I'm glad you think so. You see, as soon as you picked up the phone, I had my contacts in the government begin to trace the call. You see, I was thoroughly expecting a minimum layer of protection and security, and did not seriously think that you would call me from an unsecured line, but it turns out that you did, and now an SAS team is standing outside of your door, ready to breech and clear the room, so surely you see at this point that you don't have that many options. In light of that fact, I'll make my final offer, and that is 750,000 plus David Bentley. He is a rather attractive fellow. I think you'll find that he worth his weight in gold, at least so long as he is in the business of prostitution, and not football!"

    :adeninja:: "I... fine. We have a deal."



    And yes, I actually googled "shitty british cars" in order to discover the Austin Allegro.
     
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  17. Case

    The Fighting Cock

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    Made a forum.
     
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