Its 10pm, Monday 25th February 2013 at Upton Park. Spurs have just snatched all 3 points, with a screamer of a goal from Gareth Bale in the last minute against fierce rivals West Ham. The away end has gone mad with jubilation, “We love you Tottenham we do, We love you Tottenham we do” is […]
Lilywhites – Putting Down the Black Dog
Its 10pm, Monday 25th February 2013 at Upton Park. Spurs have just snatched all 3 points, with a screamer of a goal from Gareth Bale in the last minute against fierce rivals West Ham. The away end has gone mad with jubilation, “We love you Tottenham we do, We love you Tottenham we do” is all that can be heard at a near empty stadium.
I am feeling on top of the world, this must be the greatest day of my life and surely secures Champions League football again next season. If only this feeling of enjoyment and pleasure could last for years to come, it doesn’t though.
I have a serious mental illness that often prevents me from coping with life. Its called Depression. The biggest taboo subject in the male world, and like one 1 in 4 of the adult population, I suffer from it big time.
I realise now that despite only being diagnosed with the illness towards the end of 2011, following some serious problems I was experiencing at work, I have suffered from major depression for years.
Depression is like being in your own world of hell that you cannot see a way out from, its more than just being sad from time to time. The only way out is to consider taking steps to end your own life. When I was at my worst, I remember thinking that I hoped to be involved in fatal car accident or diagnosed with an incurable disease. I know this sounds ridiculous and it is, but when you are in this dark place, these sorts of worrying thoughts seem perfectly reasonable solutions to solve a problem.
[linequote]Depression. The biggest taboo subject in the male world, and like one 1 in 4 of the adult population, I suffer from it big time.[/linequote]
It affects your life in many ways, from being afraid to open the front door to the postman, to suddenly not communicating with anyone, particularly those who are closest to you. I stopped eating, stopped caring about my appearance and couldn’t even face walking out of the front door, let alone going to work. I really was in hell and couldn’t see any way out of it, except to give into the suicidal thoughts I was having, which of course I did not want to do for the sake of my family and friends.
You are probably thinking: How is this relevant to Spurs?
After trying all traditional forms of treatment, such as anti-depressant medication, talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy and taking regular exercise, I re-kindled a love affair with the football club I have supported all my life, the mighty Tottenham Hotspur.
After a 13-year break from being a regular down at the Lane, when I was a season ticket holder in the late 90’s, at the beginning of the 2012/13 season I re-joined as a bronze member. There was no chance of reclaiming my lost season ticket, so like many of you I started booking tickets to matches again.
All of a sudden I noticed my mood lifted massively. The thought of knowing that I would be going to see Spurs play at the weekend gave me something to look forward to and get excited about. It also changed my outlook on life. Previously I had always thought that I lived to work and pay the household bills, but this changed. Suddenly I felt that I worked to live and I was completely justified in using some of my monthly salary to go and do something I really enjoyed. A good result and a thrilling performance by the team on the pitch, gave me a lift, but even more so it was the camaraderie. It was the joy of singing and celebrating a goal with my fellow supporters in the Park Lane lower.
Soon afterwards, I was told by a fellow supporter about the 1882 movement and what it stood for. This helped me to make friends with fellow supporters, share opinions and debate about everything Spurs online.
[linequote] A good result and a thrilling performance by the team on the pitch, give me a lift, but even more so it was the camaraderie[/linequote]
I attended my first 1882 event at Underhill in April 2013, the day after the fantastic 3-1 comeback win, over Man City at White Hart Lane. On the last day of the season though, when we just missed out to Woolwich for that fourth place, I was gutted and devastated.
I was back in that dark place again, it was like the end of the world, thankfully though I got through it. As soon as the fixtures for the new season were announced, and the great signings Spurs were making came to fruition, I was once again feeling better and full of optimism for the season ahead.
Nowadays through the support of my family, my GP, fellow supporters, work colleagues and Spurs, I manage my mental health much better. By combining this support with anti-depressant medications and taking regular exercise, I consider myself to be on the level and ‘normal,’ if there is such a thing.
A Spurs win always helps as well, and hopefully there will be many more of these to come this season. COYS.
If you are having a crisis or are having worrying thoughts, I recommend contacting The Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 or CALM
The CALM helpline
Visit the CALM website or call their helpline which is open 5pm-midnight every day of the year. Call 0808 802 5858 within London. It’s free, confidential and anonymous. Text 07537 404717, start your first text ‘CALM1’ CALM don’t charge, but your network might.
[author name=”David Winsley” avatar=”https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/3328106964/4a23d39aa4a527813ec062aa24cd7e7a_bigger.jpeg” twitter=”david_winsley” ]
All views and opinions expressed in this article are the views and opinions of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of The Fighting Cock. We offer a platform for fans to commit their views to text and voice their thoughts. Football is a passionate game and as long as the views stay within the parameters of what is acceptable, we encourage people to write, get involved and share their thoughts on the mighty Tottenham Hotspur.
26 Comments
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23/09/2013 @ 10:48 am
Well said, fellow Yid. Yet another reason why \we’ are not like all the rest.
23/09/2013 @ 4:58 pm
Thanks Tommy, really appreciated. Your correct us Spurs fans are certainly one of a kind.
23/09/2013 @ 10:53 am
Well done Dave although not a sufferer myself, I know how dibilitating a condition depression can be, several people I have known over the years have suffered in silence until their world collapsed around them, and in one tradgic case a friend of mine killed himself, we were both 18 at the time, He was great fun, life and soul of the party, we played football for the same sunday team, chased the same girls, until he started seeing another group of people who were into Wacky Backy, and he changed.I didnt see him for a few months until one night I found him sitting out in the rain, floods of tears i gave him a lift home to his parents house, and he said he’d come out for a drink on saturday night with me, and his old mates, Friday night he took an overdose called an abulance and fell unconsious sliding backwards off the wall, when the Ambulance came they couldn’t find him. He was found dead in the morning! I reget not doing more, not trying to understand more, I’m now 50 and a life long Spurs fan. I have always tried to talk to depressed people and point them in the right way, GP, Priest, Samaratans. So I do understand how hard it is to share your story with everyone, Well done again Dave, and C’mon you Spurs too!
Dom
23/09/2013 @ 5:05 pm
Thanks Dom, your story is quite shocking as well. Depression really is the silent killer and if you do not accept help or talk to someone about it, it can unfortunately have some devastating consequences. I think the hardest thing I found was actually admitting I had a problem and then accepting that I needed help.
Fortunately for me there is a very good GP at my doctors surgery, who started me on a course of anti-depressants and put me in contact with the mental health services in my area. They were fantastic and I could not have done it without them.
23/09/2013 @ 11:02 am
Do we really have to read this nonsense? We are joint top of the league, just won away by playing some good football. We have conceded only one goal so far. What is wrong with you? I would highly recommend to the whoever wrote this article to stop taking any anti-dipresants and start enjoying life and Spurs
23/09/2013 @ 11:07 am
Congratulations on completely missing the point of this article.
23/09/2013 @ 5:07 pm
Thanks Case.
23/09/2013 @ 11:27 am
I just hope that none of your friends or family suffer from depression, seeing as this is exactly the type of reaction that won’t help.
23/09/2013 @ 5:11 pm
Thanks, unfortunately I was expecting this sort of response from a ignorant minority. The sort of person who says “yourself together” or your just “your weak”.
Vinnie Jones and Winston Churchill were both sufferers, are they the sort of person you would consider weak? Not a chance, it can affect anyone.
23/09/2013 @ 5:14 pm
Sorry meant to write “pull yourself together” above.
23/09/2013 @ 11:37 am
No, Paul – you really don’t have to read “this nonsense”. No-one’s forcing you to, in the same way that no-one asked for your brainless, immature and heartless comment…
23/09/2013 @ 5:14 pm
Thanks
23/09/2013 @ 12:09 pm
Wow! I hope to god you;re young then your naivety would just about be acceptable!
23/09/2013 @ 5:53 pm
Thanks, totally agree.
26/09/2013 @ 3:19 pm
A total failure on your part to understand depression. Well done.
23/09/2013 @ 11:07 am
Your honesty is admirable, and one more reason to hope Spurs do well this season!
23/09/2013 @ 5:18 pm
Thanks, really appreciate your comments. I was very nervous indeed submitting this article and have always been in two minds about it. This might surprise you but I am actually quite a private person, and as I said in my article, depression in men is still a taboo subject. Hopefully it will change over time.
23/09/2013 @ 12:08 pm
Well written David. I too have suffered with depression and have managed to beat it with the help of medical professionals, family and friends. Ignore muppets like Paul Ivanov, these are the fools who say really helpful things like “pull yourself together”. Not worth the effort of replying to them.
I’ve lost four friends to this awful illness, (I’m in my 60s), and without the support I’ve had, I might have been another one of them. Keep on supporting the mighty Spurs, who knows, we might even win something this season!
Mike.
23/09/2013 @ 5:25 pm
Cheers Mike, really appreciate your comments and I very sorry to hear about the friends you have lost to it. Sounds like you have done incredibly well to beat it, really pleased to hear it.
I am not sure I ever will beat it,and have just accepted the fact that I am going to be on anti-depressant medication for a long time to come. I’ve found getting the right medication combination plus the support of friends, family and work colleagues is so important, to being well and coping with life.
Spurs doing well on the pitch and hopefully achieving something great this season really helps as well. Thanks again.
23/09/2013 @ 4:24 pm
Thank you.
I’ve been lurking on the forum for a while and really want to go to the next 1882 event but am suffering very badly from depression and agoraphobia at the moment so can’t even go to the shops on my own never mind getting into London.
I’ve been wanting to put up something similar for a while but didn’t have the balls. Much respect for doing it your self and giving hope to the likes of me that we’re not alone, not weak but more just in a fragile state of mind.
The intrusive suicidal thoughts are hard to deal with for me because of the guilt and associated implied feeling of being pathetic or useless. Depression is self perpetuating and not easy to get out of once it develops, I’m glad you’ve found your release and the energy to love something again after feeling hopeless. I am too, in a similar way but just from the sofa for now. Hopefully I’ll make it to the next 1882. Would be my first premier league match n a good way to start I think.
Either way, it’s good to not feel so alone for once.
Thanks again.
23/09/2013 @ 5:09 pm
Really great article, well written and refreshingly honest. My best friend suffers from depression and I’m amazed how much better he is after we talk about it when he is down. It’s great that you have an outlet.
23/09/2013 @ 5:35 pm
Thanks for your comments, sounds like you have been very supportive to your friend, who appears to be doing really well now. I think most people with depression just want to be treated as normal people and do not want to be perceived as having “gone mad”, like they were in Victorian times.
When I’m having a bad time and feeling low, I just think back to the great times I have had following Spurs home & away. West Ham away last season was probably the best match I have been to, after we snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. That match had everything and I was on a high for about a week afterwards.
26/09/2013 @ 3:16 pm
Well said, know excatly where you are coming from.
COYS!
27/09/2013 @ 8:53 am
Thanks
01/10/2013 @ 8:31 pm
Well done David, this was very inspiring reading with honesty and bravery. I’m so heartened that you are contributing to breaking down the stigma of mental health difficulties by being open about your own depression, this is wonderful. As you rightly say, 1 in 4 of us experience depression at some point during our lifetime and this could be more (part of the human condition is what depression is) and nothing at all to be ashamed of, we need to recognise that just as we might need physical therapy and medication to help heal a broken bone or an infectious illness, we sometimes need psychological therapies and medication to help heal and understand how our minds work.
Thanks again David!
03/10/2013 @ 5:46 pm
Thank you Jan, really appreciate your comments and I agree with you completely.
I used to be very afraid to speak about, but over time I have become more comfortable about sharing it with others. Virtually everyone I have told about my depression, has either experienced it themselves or knows someone who has. No-one should be ashamed of it, but unfortunately several people are, and keep it to themselves. This can lead to some terrible consequences and my advice would always be speak to your GP. They are used to treating depressed people all the time and should always put you in contact with and services that can help. Thanks again.