The Return of the Striker

Tottenham’s draw with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge keeps the Lillywhites firmly in the race for Champions League football. Despite being dominated at points, Tottenham kept believing and as the game wore on looked the more likely to claim the three points. Credit must go to Andre Villas-Boas for another crucial substitution, but surely there is more than just on the spot sharpness to AVB?

What exactly goes on at that multimillion pound state-of-the-art training centre? How are Spurs trying to get the edge over their fellow Champions League contenders?

He’s Alive!!!

At the Tottenham Training Centre, Steffen Freund is scuttling around the laboratory, whilst Andre Villas-Boas looks lovingly at the figure on the medical table. Around the two Spurs men various machines beep and flicker, time is against them they need to make this work, the season is nearly over.

“Steffy, if this works we are going to need some clothes for this chap eventually, he can’t go play naked?”

“Boss we don’t have any spare kit; let me see what I can find. Azza hasn’t played much recently; perhaps we can steal some shorts from him?”

“Ok, go for it. I will stay here and keep an eye on him.”

Removing a satin handkerchief from his pocket AVB slowly wipes the sweat that has been building on the figures forehead. With Freund out of the laboratory AVB takes the opportunity to think about the person relying on modern science to bring him to some semblance of form.

Earlier that year

“What do you mean they don’t have the parts we need? When I came here you told me that we were fully stocked, how can I complete my objectives if we don’t have a fully functional striker?”

“Andre relax, I know a man who knows a man who knows someone. They can sort this out.”

“But Daniel the season has started, we have yet to win a game. I need this striker.”

“I am aware of that; lets create a smoke screen, perhaps a falling out or some dressing room scandal?”

“Not too keen on that, what about a couple of niggly injuries, a red card here or there and perhaps an unscheduled trip or two?”

“I like it Andre, I like the way you think. You and me buddy, we are going to go far.”

“I am happy you think like that, now one more thing, you know Joao Moutinho…”

“Is that my phone ringing? Yes it is, see you later must dash.”

Back at the laboratory

The door swings open and Freund returns holding an assortment of kit stolen from Lennon.

“They won’t look good on him; the shorts will be ridiculously short as will the socks, but perhaps it will bamboozle the Chelsea defence?”

“That’s ok Stef, the real problem now is power. How do we get this guy up and running? The last time we had him at full speed was against Arsenal, but that led to a circulatory overload and he freaked out after 15 minutes.”

“I have been studying this, what we really need is precise strike of electricity, something like in Back to the Future where they harness lightning. That will provide us power that we can channel and divert to the necessary zones. Especially the first touch capacitor, finishing processor and the general motor skills application.”

“Lightning though? Does that really work? Also will lightning even hit this place?”

“Apparently they were able to channel some lightning a few seasons ago, when they attempted to prolong Ledley’s career, but unfortunately the technology wasn’t as high tech as it is today.”

“So in order to make this work we need lightning to strike the same place twice? That’s impossible, the whole plan is scuppered.”

Above the duo, in the viewing gallery a watching Daniel Levy speaks over the intercom.

“Chaps this is Spurs, we specialise in lightning striking twice.”

“Perfect, when will it hit?” Asks a relieved AVB

“Always around the end of the season and the summer/winter transfer windows…hang on here it comes”

Lighting strikes the conductor on the roof, electricity surges through the cables, into the transformers before being whisked into the attachments on the figures head.

“Arrrrrrgggghhhhhh”

“It’s working!!!” Shouts Freund.

“He’s positively ready to complete his objectives for the forth coming game!!” Replies AVB

“What?”  Reply both Freund and Levy.

“He’s alive!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome Back Emmanuel Adebayor!!”

That evening at Stamford Bridge in the commentary gantry

“Adebayor coming out of defence, he’s past one man, he is surging towards goal, he’s shot, oh my word what a goal!!!!”

“The ball is played into Adebayor, he twists away from that tackle and sprays the ball wide.”

“Adebayor’s first touch didn’t let him down there.”

“A lovely ball into Adebayor, what a subtle back heel into Sigurðsson, GOAL!!! Spurs equalise, the Champions League dream is still alive!!”

In every single pub and home containing Spurs fans

“Its like he is a new man, I can’t believe it!! It’s like we have signed a brand new striker!!”