Dear New Manager of Tottenham Hotspur,
I’m just writing to say hello and welcome from the Spurs faithful. I have no idea who you are, if you are Portuguese, French or even Scottish, someone may need to translate this for you.
Spurs are a club with a fine, rich and deep history rooted in success, great football and legendary players, read up on us, understand our history on the pitch and our fans. The weight of expectation is upon you to build on this legacy, make us stronger, play the best team you can from the squad you have and make your time here successful.
Now I’ve covered the very basics above but there are a few pointers that will ease your path. You are a manager, you can offer an opinion but try to avoid lines like...
‘My wife could have scored that’, players low on confidence don’t tend to see the funny side. Similarly it sort of goes without saying branding your own supporters as ‘idiots’ is unlikely to garner a lot of love from the fans.
‘I just told them to run about a bit’, this shows a deep lack of tactical nous.
‘They did well today’, you’re part of a team, try using ‘we’, you may not always feel loved but you need to show you’re part of Tottenham Hotspur, not just to share the glory but show your responsible when the brown stuff hits the fan.
If you are successful don’t start flirting with other jobs, at least not publicly and if you’re asked about a job with England or some Oligarch’s Play-thing of a side, you say this word for word, ‘I’m commited to Tottenham, anyone who would want my services would need to speak to the club but in the meantime I love being here and want to see the club where it belongs, which is in the top 4 and in Europe every season’ – you can cut and paste that bit. The chairman won’t be impressed if you start trying to negotiate via The Sun.
Now all of the above sounds a bit of a minefield and Spurs is at times, for a fan it draws you in and it makes you love them, despair and makes you a little crazy. You will experience massive highs for bringing us success and sharp criticism for failure and a number of people ‘who never wanted you anyway’.
Speaking personally, all I want you to do is the right things, set us up to our strengths, we have this tremendously talented left winger who seems to drift all over the place, we have a really classy brazilian centre midfielder who really should have got a bit more game time last season and we have a couple of great players sent out to loan who would look just perfect on our hallowed turf wearing our beloved shirt.
So in summary, good luck & love the shirt!